The trap of identity

I thought I will never be invisible, 
I was the only daughter
First granddaughter 
Sister of two brothers 
Good student
Teachers' pet
Followed rules in home and school and of ethics.
People called me idealistic
its respectful but an inconvenience. 
People called me strict, 
 called me aunty or mom of the team
I was an angry young women, who was ambitious, not the same as her parents. 
I thought I will change the world.
I will be the identity of the family. 
I will win my freedom through my successes
I thought I am right, because my values are strong. 
Never thought even the contradicting values have space in the world. They can be also right.
I am being judged and may be more strongly I judge others  
I tried to fit in by sacrificing who I am .
Ended everyday with a little less of me.
I became the coward.
 But I exist.
That itself gives me another opportunity to learn and unlearn
To grow.
I am confused.
Where am I ?
Who am I?
Why should I exist?
I feel incomplete and lost.

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